The Shadow Of Her Smile

Note: Dedicated to Chinnu...!!!!

So many a  thoughts  rushed  to  my  mind  as I was staring at  the silence engulfed,  darkness  embraced  night….but  a  thought,  lay  hidden  and  safe  even  this  moment……

‘The vision of my heart cannot be restricted unlike the eye’s

 Everything that can be heard by the heart is deaf to ears

 Things that can be felt by my heart are out-of-reach to my touch’

‘how true’ I said  to  myself  as I kept  glancing  into  the  darkness  of  the  street  end  … i  gazed  at  the  empty  road  and  the  flickering  street  lamps, I  upped  my  collar  to  race –up  against  the  heavy  tide  of  the  winds..

“so heard from her recently?” asked  Namrata , my good friend, handing me a cup of lemon tea

 “do you expect her to reward me with such Godly courtesy?? …., I pity you Nams” I replied, fainting a smile on my lips

 

“So the stakes remain un-changed” said a familiar voice.. “any news?” he continued

I turned around to find Siddarth, sipping coffee from his favourite black mug with Sachin’s autograph on it.

“Tomorrow’s her birthday” I said, looking at the distant sparkling stars

“soo, wishing her?” questioned Namrata with a curious look of a purring cat when it finds milk.

“I already…hmmm….wished her….” I said keeping my voice as low as possible.. but I couldn’t cheat a girl, a girl’s ear is always sensitive even to a pin-drop-noise

“whattttttt….its not even 12am you damn idiot…!!” shouted both of them at me , and were glaring at me as though I had disturbed them in the middle of their snogging.

"yes, I know , but the thing is.. I don’t know whether she likes me or hates me, the more closer I try to get to her, the gap between us widens.

Its been months since her last text

If she hates me, I don’t want to spoil her feelings by wishing her on her birthday”

I could notice nothing but an ocean of silence all-round.

“you all think there is soo much of understanding between us for me to love her this much..

Let me tell you,

Even now, I don’t know much about her… I don’t know even her favourite colour…I don’t know her hobbies…I don’t know howz her relationship with her family members….”

I stood silent for a while clutching the tea-cup a little more tighter

I continued , “what I know is all are the names of her three besties…A little past of hers.. Even to this day, I never saw her personally…

Yet if you ask me what’s all this, I have no answer

Feelings Have No Logics”

They were blank, they were looking pale… it was as if our minds are linked with a bridge of silence.

“Harsha, I have no hard feelings for her, but I think she is just a phase in your life, its time to take a break” said Siddarth, tapping on my back.

“phase??..phase??

What do you know what’s she to me, to term her as a ‘phase’

If you believe in fate , she is my destiny

If you believe in heart, she is my love

If you believe in mind , she is my instinct

If you believe in anything , she is my everything”

I was agitated and breathless for a few moments

My voice began to shatter, I was cold below my knees, my tongue went dry, yet my love for her made me speak out

“we may not be together now, but I always look for the day we do…

Its not that I would die if I don’t have her..its just.., I don’t want to live without my heart”

My hands were trembling, Namrata caught hold of me and pulled a chair for me to rest.

“Siddarth…, the love I have for her is not the love that starts with a rose and ends in bed…

My love for her is truly selfish..

I am selfish to have her to myself

To have her in every moment of the life I live

To give her my heart, which is though with me, but beats for her

To dedicate her the music of my heart-beat, which is aching for her

To make her the princess of my world, and to be ruled with her love

But she always showed me the value of infinity, and the meaning of eternity by staying so close to my heart and yet so far from my embrace

She may not know how I felt for her, but, when she needs me, I am always there for her like the stars on the rainy day.., she may not see me , but I am always there for her..”

My voice shimmered and was lost into the darkness of the night..!!

I could feel the gentle trickle of water on my cheeks from my eyes..

When I turned around to face Namrata and Siddarth, everything looked misty.. I rubbed my eyes and was astonished to find a pack of 9 people witnessing my heart’s tears.

I was numb, couldn’t speak a word.., I silently started walking away to find my way through, to the stairs..

Those people I left behind…., were whispering something.. I couldn’t understand everything…, but I heard something…

“I don’t know who she is… I don’t know where she is …but as long as he loves her, she will always have smiles round her…

He is always, and, will be, ….. ‘The Shadow Of Her Smile’  ”