A Shadowy Past

 Its has been 3 long years, since that nightmare happened to me, since Shravs left, since my soul left me.

I couldn’t forget how i sleeplessly tossed on my bed, holding my bed sheet into my fists and my cries escaping into the silence of the dark. With no one to share and no one to feel the way I felt.

Every time I see my wardrobe I couldn’t forget how my shravya played with my shirt buttons.

When ever I comb my hair, I would get a chill shiver down my spine as I missed forever, the soft feel  of  her fingers ruffling through my hair.

Every place where we spent out time together, started to plunge my heart with a silence, a silence more powerful than anything a heart could bear, a feeling which is more crucifying than death itself.

My heart became soo heavy as I couldn’t get those moments back when my angel used to rest her ears on my heart to hear the sound of my heart beat say her name.

I don’t even remember the last time I smiled with my heart, my smile faded away with the passing time, i even remember those words which i say to my shravs “your smile makes me smile” and her smile left me for a true time

Everything  that brought a smile to my face now started torturing me. Here I stand in the world’s most crowded places, alone , motionless , with a deathly smile, and without my shravs my heart is getting worse day by day..so much pain , so much grief that even my tears have dried up. I feel pain and i could feel my heart bleeding, and yet I walk calm with peace as I just crossed a moment that made me far from shravs.

But now I'm all alone,and I can't stop thinkin' of shravs
To hold her in my arms once again Is all I wanna do
I can't stop thinking of her, and I wouldn't even if I could
I keep waking up with dreams of her..always and always
Have anyone felt they way I felt, have anyone felt living is more worse than dying, have anyone lived to die. But I live to die.

Near, far where ever you are, my heart does love you for a lifetime

you will stay forever like this in my heart, though you moved away from me to my memories, like ‘A Shadowy Past’

(dedicated to an idiotic friend of mine who is not responding to me from the past 2 days)

The Beginning Of a New End

Memories keep on blazing with time, heaping like a pile of breaths..

But the memory I share, a three year old one, is till afresh, stirring my blood even today, making my heart a parchment of paper.

           I clearly remember the strike of the midnight hour on my wall clock.                                                                                                                                               Not a second had passed, shravys called me

           “hi baby..happy birthday..!!!”  she said in her most childish voice “what is my baby doing??”       

“thank you darls, where is my gift shravys..??” i said seeing the same moon which she is seeing from her window.

“oh my baby darling, I am giving you the gift which u want the most...” she paused, took a heavy breath, then she sighed.. and she started “iiiiiiiiiiiiiiii lovvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv...”

and before she could complete those magical words,

I said “no darls, not now, I want you to say it eye to eye”

“ok baby, papa is leaving to B’lore, I will come along with him, and ask him to drop me...ok chweety??”

“love you idiot” I said with a loud laughter

I still remember that laughter has woken up my mom, and she rushed to my room to check if everything was fine.

And i had to cut her call as my friends were also trying on the line.

after all the wishes have ended, I went to my draw and saw the gold ring ,which I kept safe for this moment.

I started to count the seconds as minutes, I don’t know when I zapped into sleep.

“Harsha..Harsha..” someone jolted me back to reality... “Prasad uncle and Shravya are hit with a accident..come on fast..get ready..need to go” said my father in a deep perspiring tone.

“WHAT ...!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”  I shouted back at my father.. “this is impossible..it can never happen”

“son, there’s nothing much to worry, just a minor scratches, rest everything was fine” assured my father

I raced to my bike and I immediately went to hospital where they were admitted,

My aunt was breaking down to tears.

Doctor said that , my uncle escaped with a few fractures and..and my Shravya is counting minutes.

I was crestfallen, my knees started shaking with coldness, I collapsed on the chairs behind me..

“c-can I-I see he-her” my voice stammered.

“be brave my child” said the Doc tapping my shoulder

I rubbed of my tears, and I started to take heavy steps to the ICU.

What can I see was only a pile of bandages crushed into a bag.

She is wide awake panting, struggling to take breaths. My tears found their own way through my eyes.

She lifted her hand towards me and was telling “co-com” and her fingers trembling.

I immediately rushed to her taking her hand in my two hands and I broke into a million tears.

She called me close

She raised her hand to wipe off my falling tears, she failed to do so, her hand was not responding  

“nothing will happen to you darls, I will do anything to get you back to me” I said crying and kissing her forehead.

“h-hey bab-y do-don’t cry” she said uttering words with highest difficulty “m-my thr-oat is b-burning sweety”

All I could do is to sit and stare at her pain, I was unable to see her in that condition

I was hitting my heart..and I felt something hard in my pocket, ‘MY RING’

I took it out, and I took her blood bathed finger and I encircled the ring around her finger.

I could see hey eyes becoming wet

“hap bday baby..I-I lo-love..................................................”

And before she could complete her words, the mission gave a loud beep..and I lost her to eternity.

I just fell over the ground curling all around , my hands turning into fists and I was sobbing.

Far apart from what was happening, I was still in a vacuum, the truth I faced was too hard to accept.

There were a lot of painful cries all around.

Though I didn’t see what was happening, I could guess what was happening,

I could see her hand over the edge of the bed, I tried to get up from the ground, but was unable to get up, I tumbled down several times..and couldn’t even get up, my legs were trembling

With much effort I stood on my knees, seeing her I was hitting my heart..

“when you wanted to say ‘I LOVE YOU’ I stopped you from saying..and I wanted to hear you went away to a place I could never hear” I said kissing her hand and brought to my heart and rested over there.

3 days over since her burial, I never let anyone take off that ring from her hand. It belongs to her, forever and ever. I know she was not there to the world, but not to me, she gave me a millions of memories to live a life time.

And so her memories ticked off ‘The Beginning of a New End’

(DEDICATED TO CHINNU , FOR GIVING ME HER EAR TO SHARE MY PAIN AND PROVIDING ME HAPPINESS TO LAST FOR...THANQ MY FRIEND)

Where I stand..

THIS IS WHERE I STAND..THIS IS WHERE I STAND
BETWEEN THE LOVE OF COMPANIONS AND THE BETRAYAL OF FRIENDS 

THIS IS WHERE I STAND..THIS IS WHERE I STAND
FIGHTING THE WORLD EVERYDAY TO CREATE A BETTER TOMORROW 

THIS IS WHERE I STAND..THIS IS WHERE I STAND
ONE STEP HIGHER AND ONE STEP CLOSER TO THE JOURNEY TO STARS 

THIS IS WHERE I STAND..THIS IS WHERE I STAND
WITH HOPES AND ASPIRATIONS THAT INSIPRE THE REST


THIS IS WHER I STAND...THIS IS WHERE I STAND
ALONE FROM THE REST..WORKING FOR THE REST

THIS IS WHERE I STAND..BUT WHERE IS THE PLACE U STAND...!!!!

footprints with time

Two young lovers, Walking on the sand,
Gazing at each other, Talking hand in hand,
The prints they leave behind them,
Marking memories of the past,
The long beach laid before them,
Hoping love will last,
The ocean captures the footprints,
And erases them from the shore,
Taking with it remembrances,
And leaving them with more, 

Many years have passed,
Time flies when you're having fun,
And before you know it innocence fades,
And the teen years are done,
Now she's back on the beach,
Except she is alone,
Watching and waiting,
For the love that hadn't grown,
She walks along the ocean,
Two footprints, not four,
Wondering where the laughter went,
Why he didn't love her more,
Then she stops to sit,
And draws his name in the sand,
A celestial stranger comes along,
And reaches out a hand,
Hesitantly she takes it,
And he listens to her cries,
He's been there before,
He's heard many lies,
They decide to walk,
And she follows, not knowing why, 

Love will always be reborn again,
Even if it may die,
She is more cautious than before,
And as she looks back at the footprints,
She smiles seeing not two, but four,
This time will be different,
Her heart trying to say,
Something magical happened,
She felt it the first day,
Something clicked when they touched,
A jolt from inside,
She knew he'd be there always,
If she had something to confide, 

Now here it is twenty years later,
And his love for her,
Is now even greater,
He looks at her like the first time they met,
And despite all the years gone by,
They can never forget,
Those four special footprints,
That are never washed away,
They'll stay forever on her heart,
Until their dying day.

love................

Love....!!!!!

is it a word or a sentence with no full stop..?

i never thought that one person would make such great tremendous change in my life...very tough even to dream....

Why is this happening..something magical..something which happens in one second and remains 4ever...if i had answers for everything..then, there would be no meaning of love...

its something which just find the deepest depths Of the heart to live and pains us when it leaves...

its truly inspiring and soo majestic feeling which i can never leave in my entire life...!!!!!

                       But when it comes to my personal life..i am literally a person who hates the face and the feel of love..

i thought it could never ever touch me...but on august 24 it hit me like a tsunami..may be even more powerful than i could never imagine..

                      Today sitting in the ac two tier coach i never thought in i my life that , memories hurt a lot like this one...i always thought that, at the end of the day good memories only bring us laughing tears..but , this the memory of the person whom i loved soo much only brought me a scar so deep , so mesmerising yet soo painfull...

Together Till Eternity..♥ ♥ ♥

Its a another best evening after a light drizzle and immediately followed with a rainbow and sunset..

I and shravya were enjoying the natures best, sitting on a lowly bench in a park, surrounded with a musky smell of the damp ground after the rain...

“what a beautiful sunset..isnt it??” said shravya playing with the top button of my shirt..

“yeah..” i said curling, her already wet curly hair, with my fingers

She tilted her head on rested it on my shoulder and spoke with a husky soft voice, “  this moment should  last forever, promise me...” she said, looking straight into my eyes..

Her looks pierced straight to my eyes and reached my heart , tearing me apart..

I took her face in my hands, She was silent, so was i...

 i brought her face inches close to me..we were looking into each other eyes, the whole world stood still to me at that moment..gradually the distance reduced between us, i closed my eyes the moment i felt her hot breath on my face..i could feel my heart beat change from ‘beats per minute’ to ‘miles per second’, the distance still narrowed and i stopped when i felt her soft lips pressed to mine, i caught her face with my two hands and kept still, she made no efforts to stop me..  minutes passed away like seconds, and i was melting with every warm breath of hers..

it started to drizzle again, she regained her composure and departed..yet she lay there, eyes closed, breathing heavily..

she opened her eyes, said nothing , she caught my shirt , came closer and rested her head on my chest and we were enjoying that loneliness..

words seized between us, we were looking in each other eyes, i was soo enchanted that my mom called me thrice, to make me respond to the surroundings,

“hi ma..ok ok ok, will be there in a few minutes, ok ok” i said..

“shravs, my mother is unwell..have to take to hospital darls, come on i will drop you and then i shall go” i said stretching my body

She was silent all over the ride..and i dropped her at her at her house..

When i am reverting back to the end of the street, i saw back to her house,

I saw my angel eyeing me from the narrow opening of the half closed doors, when our looks met, she bit her tongue and immediately disappeared inside like a cat.., i couldn’t stop smiling..

Next day was a pretty boring day, and I was too careful not to out the beans, that i remember Shravya’s birthday, which was the day after.

Finally that evening i carefully wrapped my gift with flowers, and i moved out my room that night, and i carefully followed the footsteps of the shadows and reached her house...

I dialled a number , and her brother , charan opened the door...

“hi charan” i said with a smile.

“hi BIL ,  come inside” he moved aside from the way.he bolted the door after coming inside.

“your parents??” i asked with a tinge of tension, wiping my sweat off my forehead

“don’t worry, they wont be out of their room till early sunrise”

“thank you then, anyways its already time..i’ll move on” i said glancing at her room

“ok harsha, and just be careful not to scare her..good luck” said he, and grinned at me

“thanks mate, i need a lots of luck for this weird act” i said and i moved on

I stood at opening of the door..

I saw the sticker attached to the door “KNOCK BEFORE YOU COME” 

“ufffffff” i sighed and caught the knob of the door and opened it with a million thoughts attacking my insides,

 what if she’s awake? , what does she think of me? , what will she think as the day before only i kissed her and now i am in her bedroom? , what will be her reaction seeing me? , what if she shouts?, what if her parents mistake me to a thief and handover to police??..... and so on

her room was pitch dark, i fished in my pocket for the mobile, and then on my torch to lead the way..

i reached the side of her bed, and switched on the incandescent table lamp...

the scene that struck to my eyes was shocking and mesmerising..

she was on her stomach sleeping, hugging her soft teddy bear

she was wearing a sleeveless black satin top a perfect contrast to her white creamy milk skin

a white silk bedsheet covered till her waist, she was resting her head on the cotton pillow...her mouth was partly open and was making the pillow wet with her saliva.

I was literally dying to restrict myself when i could see the bare skin on the side of her stomach when takes a deep breath...

And her hairs were teasing me even more, they were dancing in pairs on her face while the wind played the mischief, a few hairs were stuck in her open mouth..awww what a scene it was..beyond words..

Before i could zap out of this killing sensation and regain my senses, her mobile started to buzz..i reached out for her mobile and i immediately took out her battery...

I reached to her, caught the strands of hair with my fingers and pushed them to the back of her ears...., i bent down and kissed her on her forehead and whispered “happy birthday darls” in her ear..

She moaned sleepily and tossed her face to the other side and stated to snore..

I thought to wake her up and say my wishes, but looking at my sleeping beauty i couldn’t  do it..i dragged a chair to her bed..and i lay there watching my angel in that bed light..

Then it was not gravity that was holding me to the ground, but it was her...

I don’t know how many moments have passed , the first rays of the sun have hit her from the window, she looked even more beautiful in that orange flash..i saw her eyelids flickering and they opened a bit..

“good morning shravs” i said smiling

“good morningggggggggggggg” she said again cloing her eyes

Suddenly she sat on her bed, sat still seeing me...

“how, how could you..that too here” she was reacting as if thunder stuck her down

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHRAVYA” I said as I opened my bag to her my gift..

“thank you harsha,

Hey what happened to your leg??” she inclined forward to see

“nothing re, night in the darkness, i hit my leg to the edge of the almirah and i got hurt” i said ,taking her hands in my hands

“you are an idiot harsha” she said with a mocking sense of anger in her voice

“shravs” i called, extending my hand towards her..

She came silently and sat over my lap..i gently handover her my present..

“open it “ i said..i was just looking at her eyes to see her reaction

“its..its your dairy..!!!!” she sounded surprised

“this dairy is from the day we met..till this day..with every verse and lines i wrote for you” said i kissing her shoulder

“thank you baby..love you” she said

She readjusted herself of my lap, inched forward, and rested her chin on my shoulder, and said

“love you baby, i want you for ever” and bit my ear lobe gently

“hey shravys, we will  be TOGETHER TILL ETERNITY”

i miss u my friend.....

the lost footprints

Dedicated to swathi on her first birthday after the start of a new life. Wish you all the smiles in the world.

I made my path through the sands to the wet shore of Chennai...
Looking at the angry waters in the moonlit night made me gush to the memories , 2 years back 

We were walking along the rough sands on the beach at half past 7 in the night..
I and shravya were walking in the shadow of one another gripping each other hands,
She rested her head on my shoulder with her eyes closed .
her soft curly hair often danced on my face with the tune of the wind,
i lost in her calm peaceful face as she kept holding my right arm tight with her two arms and simply walking with me.....
neither of us know where we were going,i was just enjoying that magical moment with her. At that moment what mattered me was just her and only her..
the shimmering tiny droplets of water over her cheek due to the moonlight only made her look more angelic...
i just looked back, as we made our footprints which were being preciously washed away to the memories of the sea.

There was nothing much of a difference between now and then..except the four footprints have become two..
Her footprints lost hidden in the sands and her chirpy words carried away by the winds....